I grew up on Country Music. No, I did not grow up on a farm, but the small town in Northern California I lived in for over 15 years of my life was traditionally a farming town. Our rival high school’s mascot was called “The Thundering Herd” and I once dated a guy who belonged to the 4-H club. True story.
Country Music is something very dear to my heart. While a lot of the newfangled stuff such as Kenny Chesney’s sexy tractor, Trace Adkins “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” and Taylor Swift’s obsession with being 13 are not things I can endorse and be proud of, there are plenty of incredibly country music artists.
I won’t go in to all of the reasons why I love bands like Sugarland, the Dixie Chicks, singers like Reba McEntire or why Garth Brooks’s “The Dance” still makes me weep to this day. (Also: The Judds, Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, June Carter, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw.) But will I will say, is that Hadley Freeman’s snark fest “live blog” of The Country Music Awards was just plain ridiculous. And rude.
Getting someone to cover the CMAs who obviously and admittedly knows nothing about Country Music is a bit tiresome and not as ironically hilarious as maybe the Guardian anticipated. Thankfully, two alleged country singers named Jessy Lenat and Kerri Lowe came by to help Freeman out with her live blog by providing “insider information”.
This insidering information led to statements such as“they suck” in regards to Sugarland who won “Best Duo”.
Ha! Thrilling insight. No they do not suck. Fact.
While I do enjoy the Fug Girls and the occasional hilarious breakdown of a horrible outfit from Chelsea Handler (and even Hadley’s fashion columns) making fun of everything and everyone isn’t really all that entertaining anymore. Even Perez Hilton is being nicer these days, FFS.
Here are few of Hadley's "best" quotes from last night.
“Martina McBride is crooning away on a small centre stage in a white tux and the effect is, shall we say, a bit k d lang. Oh yeah, you know what I'm talking about.”
Oh. You mean she looks like a lesbian? HILARIOUS.
“Faith Hill is singing. Her make up is witchy, her hair is enormous and her pant suit is too tight. It's all beginning to blend into one, isn't it, readers?"
Witchy rhymes with....
"Rascal Flatts are up now, and as a reporter of the straight truth it is my duty to inform you that someone has been eating all the pies. That is not a judgement. That is the fact. Hey, I used to work on the fashion desk: fattism is my tools of the trade."
Wait, it gets better...
"The Flatts are joined on stage by Natasha Beddingfield, a who is wearing Snuffleupagus on her bottom half and just a bra on her top half. It is an extraordinary combination – brave, edgy, a definite hit for next season and, no, I can't keep this up, it is complete and utter cack."
To be fair, Beddingfield’s dress was horrible, but that aside, I’m confused by this entire write-up.
Making fun of country music was funny back in like 1998... or was it 1995 when I got made fun of when a classmate spotted the Garth Brooks and George Straight posters hanging up in my garage?
It's not like the twang and the cowboy hats are that strange to the outside world anymore. I mean, when Gwyneth Paltrow makes a movie about something, you know it's gone mainstream. Plus, there have been so many pop and hip-hop crossovers with country music in the last five years, blindly ripping in to it is just plain lazy at this point. Of COURSE there are embarrassing and ridiculous things in the country music industry, just as there are in any other music industry. (Did you SEE Selena Gomez hosting the EMA?!)
Sure, Hadley, it’s just a “live blog”, and blogs are full of misinformed, overly-snarky, offensive bollocks, but at least when we’re faffing about and flogging it off as journalism, we’re not getting paid for it. Right?
Image via Billboard.com