We’re a few days past The Oscars, which means most of the winners have finally gone to sleep, the losers have stopped pretending to be thrilled for the winners and Hugh Jackman - having caught a glimpse of his well-choreographed shadow - has gone back into the closet for another six weeks. 

Several writers have already analyzed the names that were pulled out of each PriceWaterhouse envelope - or those that weren’t - so I’ve decided to stick to the “Best Original Song” portion of the program and give a listen to the tunes that weren’t even nominated, the ones I pictured sitting at home on Sunday night, stuffing their treble clefs with bourbon and bitterness. 

According to the Academy’s rules, there were 49 songs that were eligible this year, including a  tween-tastic ELEVEN tracks from High School Musical 3.  Despite hard-hitting lyrics like “It’s time to show how to be a hero/Just like a showdown, Will Smith and Bobby DeNiro”, they were ignored like last season’s leggings.

Fellow Disney alum Miley Cyrus’ contribution—“I Thought I Lost You” from Bolt—was also nixed because if you’re young enough to wear sweatpants with words stitched across the ass, you’re not getting a nod.  And that means you, Zac Efron.

That left 38 eligible songs that theoretically didn’t suck, yet the Academy only chose to drop three into the category this year: two from Slumdog Millionaire (including eventual winner “Jai Ho”) and Peter Gabriel’s “Down to Earth” from WALL-E.

Despite cutting the number of entries, the Academy also decided that only sixty seconds of each song would be performed during the show.  Mr. Gabriel was pissed enough to skip the ceremony, a move only noticed by, um, Peter Gabriel and the handful of people who watched John Legend belt out the song and thought to themselves: “I never realized Peter Gabriel was black.”

Oscar cockblocked Clint Eastwood’s Gran Torino, ignoring every single aspect including its Golden Globe nominated theme, also called “Gran Torino”.  Eastwood himself sings it over the end credits, his Tom Waits-meets-Johnny Cash-meets-a Gallon of Paint Thinner rasp serving to wring out the last remaining tears that may have be clinging to your ducts like salty stalactites. 

I lingered in the theatre to hear this one and for some reason sitting by myself watching the cleaning woman sullenly sweep up errant pieces of popcorn and empty Jelly Belly boxes just made it that much more moving.

Another neglected G-Globe nominee was Beyonce’s “Once In a Lifetime” from Cadillac Records.  Once you get past the synthesizers that litter the beginning, it’s a decent enough song, the kind you’ll catch yourself humming in a dimly lit dressing room, unassumingly soundtracking the disappointment of seeing yourself in skinny jeans for the first time.

Every few years, the Academy loses its mind (Three 6 Mafia, anyone?) or they’ll toss out a “wacky” song selection, as if to say “sometimes we like things that Randy Newman didn’t sing”. The fact that “Blame Canada” from South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut found itself on 1999’s ballot gave me the briefest glimmer of undead hope that they’d give props to “Dracula’s Lament” from Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I dare you to find a better closing line than “Die, die, die…I can’t”.  

There was no way in hell that Hamlet 2’s “Rock Me Sexy Jesus” was getting any closer to the Kodak Theatre than I was, but it’s still worth a listen if you’re into poptastic tracks, sing-a-longs, and blasphemy.

Dirty Harry and Dracula aside, the two serious shockers were the omissions of Bruce Springsteen’s “The Wrestler” and Robyn Hitchcock’s “Up to Our Nex” from Rachel Getting Married.  Springsteen already earned a gold statue for “The Streets of Philadelphia” (from Philadelphia) and has a previous nomination for “Dead Man Walking”  (from Dead Man Walking because Bruce is a master of clever titles) but “The Wrestler” is one of the finest songs he’s added to a catalog full of them. 

The sparse instrumentation gives it the sound of  a lost Nebraska track and when it rolls over the end credits, it proves to be as haunting and heartbreaking as the movie itself.

As a longtime Robyn Hitchcock fan, I’d sung along with “Up To Our Nex” several times before seeing Rachel but it became even more poignant in the context of the film.  I actually found this song more compelling than the movie, despite the flick’s five minutes of tense dishwasher-loading footage.

Hitchcock himself shows up to sing during the title character’s wedding reception and the repeated line “Forgive yourself and maybe/You’ll forgive me” sums the story up in one devastating stanza.