Patricia V. Davis wants every woman to reclaim her inner Diva and be the most confident, capable and dynamic person she can be. In The Diva Doctrine, she recounts the hard-learned lessons of her life so far on the road to Diva-dom.
Here’s a bit of history for you. I used to work with a number of other bloggers in a media company, including one young editor who was an avid Vox user. One day, she pointed me in the direction of an excellent post by a budding American author called ‘Ten Things I'd Tell My Younger Self' (later renamed 'From an Older Woman to a Younger One'). It was moving, funny and wise. That young Vox-er went on to found BitchBuzz, and (obviously) I still write for Cate Sevilla. The author was Patricia V. Davis, and the post went on to become the basis of the book I'm now reviewing.
After following her blog and reviewing her first book, I now consider myself a friend of Patricia’s. So perhaps the reason I enjoyed The Diva Doctrine so much is because I can ‘hear’ the distinctive written voice I’ve become so familiar with. Or perhaps all that means is that she has lots of appeal simply because she is a great writer.
The Diva Doctrine’s 16 universal principles include the first ten taken from the original post, and cover areas such as appearance, parenthood, break ups with friends and relating to men. But despite that last topic this is no confidence-sapping women’s magazine fare. Quite the contrary. It’s all about learning to communicate effectively with anyone, and understanding when it’s time to let things go and, more importantly when it isn’t. Patricia – I can’t bring myself to dispassionately call her ‘Davis’ and I don’t think anyone who reads this book will be able to either, so warm is her presence – is a great believer in being relentlessly polite, even in the face of extreme provocation, but in no way advocates being a pushover; there’s a whole chapter on dealing with those to whom manners were never refined beyond the toddler years. She believes in developing as much mental (and physical) strength as possible and, to put it bluntly, faking it until you’ve convinced yourself your confidence is real.
I don’t always agree with her on every detail, perhaps because it’s inevitable that when you’re speaking in generalisations everyone will know an exception to the rule; for example, my husband’s way of dealing with things is mostly astonishingly unlike her description of male communication, but any boy raised in the ‘traditional’ way will undoubtedly exhibit at least some of the traits she talks about. She isn’t, however, claiming to be an expert. Although she occasionally cites research, she’s repeatedly reminds the reader that this book is based largely on anecdotal evidence, borne of her experiences and the lessons she’s learned the hard way. Given three marriages, parenthood (to her own child and step-children, all of them, incidentally, boys), a difficult relationship with her family, life as an ex-pat and as the child of immigrants, teaching, running her own business, and becoming a professional writer that experience is pretty extensive and you ignore it at your peril.
The incredibly honest history that accompanies Patricia’s assertions is by turns moving and funny, and that particularly shines through in the sections about parenthood. Everyone tries to be the best parent they can be, and often they’re aiming for a better (but still inevitably chaotic and error-strewn) version than whatever they had with their parents. It’s beyond merely a challenge. It definitely helps to know that someone else has been there, done that and knows better than to judge now.
One last note: on Patricia’s Facebook page there was a fair bit of healthy debate over the cover of the book, and whether it looked a bit too ‘glossy mag’ for the contents and would put potential readers off. Personally I think it strikes a good balance between the serious and more amusing parts of the book, so I urge you not to be distracted by it. Hell, you can always go for the Kindle version.
Alexandra Roumbas Goldstein is a mum of one, digital marketer and online community manager who takes any opportunity to blog about parenthood, social media, cats, baking and Disney. Follow her on Twitter @mokuska