We tolerated her stupid "omg why is/isn't she wearing her wedding ring" drama in 2008. In 2007 we put up with her calling Lily Allen a "chick with a dick". And, in 2006, the masses were assaulted with details of her stupid wedding to that stupid pretty-boy footballer, Ashley Cole.
In 2009, please lord, may she just go away.
She's beautiful, she can sing and dance pretty well, she dresses fashionably and she's made a pretty good name for herself by being a judge on X-Factor and being the mentor to the winner...er...good 'ol whatever her name is.
And now, here she is, on the cover and in the pages of Vogue "dishing" on the "truths" about how, no really, things are, like, super tough for her, too. WAGS! They're just like us!
Remember when her footballer husband had an affair with a hairdresser? Cheryl is finally (thank god!) "opening up" about the scandal that took OK and Hello! by storm:
"It was horrendous. But look, Ashley's young and he's got a young mentality - for his age anyway. He's learning. He has a beautiful soul, he's a really nice guy and I'm not stupid, you know. I'm really not. "
You're not stupid? OH. Right...you're not.
"I know what I'm doing. I've had enough knocks in the past to know what
the circumstances are, and I'm happy. If other people aren't, then
that's their problem."
You're so inspiring, Cheryl.
Despite showing the world her ribcage on the finale of The X Factor and being one of the thinnest, tiniest celebrities of all time, Cheryl explains that she feels "fat" and doesn't like her legs. She even told Vogue that in 2003 she GAINED weight doing the Atkins diet! Apparently she ballooned up to a massive 29 inch waist. Jesus, Cheryl. You were practically obese!
"I remember being in Selfridges and taking these size 28s into the
changing room and not being able to get them on, and then getting on
the scales and crying because I was nine and a half stone. Nine and a
half stone when I'm only 5ft 3in."
That's disgusting, Cheryl. Vogue readers everywhere are now promising to eat only peas and water for lunch for the next week because of you. Again, so inspiring.
"Jennifer Aniston was doing something called the Atkins Diet at the time and I thought I'd give it a try.
The
record company had just moved us into this hotel called K West and I
remember I ate the same thing from room service - chicken in cream
sauce with a couple of carrots - every night, for weeks, and I just
felt horrible. But I was on this mission."
*bangs head against wall*
New Years Resolution: Ignore anything going on with Cheryl Cole throughout 2009.